Well hello there 2016.. wait, is it almost February?

When I first came to yoga I didn’t realise at that stage how much my life would change, or at that stage how much it needed to to change. All I knew was that I was having crippling panic attacks that I was too afraid to treat with medicine as I was trying desperately to have a baby and was so scared of the damage it could do. I was living in a constant state of fear, being ruled by what ifs and being scared stiff of my future.

Things I have learned after three years of regular practice of yoga that have changed my life:

  • Take time to rest and recharge. I would never say no to event, regardless of whether I even wanted to attend, unless I was busy doing something else. I completely burned myself out. Now I take the time to think if it positively aligns with what’s important to me and if it doesn’t I don’t go, simple as that. There is no point saying yes to attending something then spending all week dreading it. If that’s how I am feeling then I shouldn’t go, simple as that.
  • Releasing control. I don’t know what’s going to happen 10 minutes from now, let alone 10 years from now so what’s the point in stressing or trying to control the outcome. I can keep working towards my goals and dreams but if I stumble or get veered off track by life’s challenges then I need to accept what has happened, learn from it and go forward with it.
  • Looking after my body makes me a whole lot happier than abusing it. I used to LOVE drinking, well I used to think that I did. If I look back with honesty, its quite clear that I never loved it and it never loved me. I would wake up feeling the shame of the night before, forever the exhibitionist and life of the party after a little bit of alcoholic lubrication. I have always got violent hangovers, 8 times out of 10 my Sundays were spent cradling the toilet bowl swearing ‘never again’ yet there I would find myself, again and again. The buzz I get from a yoga session makes me a whole lot happier than a bottle of wine.. today, but especially tomorrow.
  • Happiness is a state of being not a destination. I used tell myself that when I had a baby, I would be happy. When I stopped working an office job, I would be happy. When we moved down south I would be happy. When I lost 5kg, I would be happy. Then I just started to understand that I was wasting time not being happy right NOW. Since I have decided to be happy in the present moment, I feel like there is less I need. My focus is on experiences and filling my void with material items and vices.  Now, I am happy, right now.
  • Yoga is called practice for a reason, as you can never perfect your practice. Every day you need to get on the mat and your practice will change, grow and transform throughout the days, weeks and years. Life is the same, it will also change and you will grow and transform. I will never be perfect, and I will never have a perfect life. It’s a guarantee. I used to aim for perfection, now I just aim to live life as authentically as I can.  I love myself the way that I am, from how far I have come, to where I have yet to go.
  • Breathe; the most important lesson I have ever learned. The breath is our life force. It is the barometer of how excited, relaxed, nervous or calm we are. Breathing is what keeps US ALIVE. Yet I never placed any importance on it or gave it any attention. Once I learned to control my breath, anxiety slipped away and I started to experience the current moment and all it had to offer.

Thanks for the messages of love regarding the IVF. Unfortunately it wasn’t successful and I have decided that I’m not emotionally, physically or financially equipped to go another round. After three long years I am releasing control. What will be, will be. Perhaps life is just sending me down another road that will all make sense eventually.

Onward bound xo

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About Onward Bound

After a couple of years of dealing with anxiety and infertility; I quit my job and headed overseas to do my yoga teacher training and travel. Here is my place to share my experiences about life, love, yoga, travel, food & everything else in between. This is my pursuit of happiness. I hope you enjoy xo
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